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Official PROOF that Cave is NOT Chell's father

Hi! I'm Mel, and this is my first post here. Like many Portal fans, I've been wondering who Chell's parents are. The most common online theory is Cave/Caroline, but I've found a seldom-seen official source that disproves this. That source is the officially liscensed potatOS kit, which comes with a more complete version of the infamous Bring Your Daughter To Work Day poster. This poster contains new content from Valve's writers, so I consider it to be canon. You can see a picture of it here: http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/additional/large/eb0a_portal_2_potatos_science_kit_art.jpg Or just read the text which I've transposed here:

Quote:
Energy of the Future!
PROBLEM
My dad said somebody at the cafeteria ordered too many potatoes so everybody has to do a science project on potatoes now for Take Your Daughter to Work Day and lunch will be french fries. Mr. Johnson said we could use as many potatoes as we liked for our projects but I'm only going to use one. I asked my dad if I could do a different project because I already did a potato battery project in class last year and he said no, Mr. Johnson would get mad.
HYPOTHESIS
Probably the potato will do the same thing it did last year for my class project, except maybe not because I had a new potato last time and this one is pretty old. My dad says his hypothesis is that whoever ordered all the potatoes will probably get fired.
CONCLUSIONS
Last time my potato battery produced 1.5 volts. This time it got 1.6, so I guess it doesn't matter how old the potato is. The current from the potato battery did not produce enough volts to power anything important. If I used more potatoes maybe I could have gotten more volts, but the one dad brought home smelled and I didn't want more.
by CHELL

This clears up a few plot issues. First of all, we know that Chell's father couldn't have been Cave, because she repeatedly refers to "dad" and "Mr. Johnson" as different people. Also, the old 1.5 volts joke reappears, along with little Chell's naive comment that it "isn't enough to power anything important."

Let the discussion commence!!

I don't care about any hypotheses or unpublished sources. However, that is FREAKING HILARIOUS.

:wut:
EDIT: First time I actually got to use this pic. It doesn't look funny. More scary.

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It would be funny if Rattman was Chell's father. Not likely xD

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ChickenMobile wrote:
It would be funny if Rattman was Chell's father. Not likely xD

It's actually pretty likely... I mean, what's the reasoning behind Doug tracking and saving Chell? And, he was an employee, therefore could be the father of Chell in bring your daughter to work day.

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UsCobra11 wrote:
ChickenMobile wrote:
It would be funny if Rattman was Chell's father. Not likely xD

It's actually pretty likely... I mean, what's the reasoning behind Doug tracking and saving Chell? And, he was an employee, therefore could be the father of Chell in bring your daughter to work day.

I can't see Chell having the last name "Rattman."
Chell Rattman. Nope doesn't work. The way I remember the comic, Rattman put her at the the top of the testing list because her file said "Do not test" or something similar on it.

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No, there was a convo between him and his ccube that went like

Cube: Why her?
Rat: I don't know
Cube: Did she have the highest IQ score?
Rat: No.
Cube: The highest agility?
Rat: No.
Cube: Then why her?
Rat: Just a hunch.

But it is a possibility.

UsCobra11 wrote:
It's actually pretty likely... I mean, what's the reasoning behind Doug tracking and saving Chell? And, he was an employee, therefore could be the father of Chell in bring your daughter to work day.

He wanted GLaDOS dead. Chell was the only one he felt he could do it.

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Is it too much to assume that GLaDOS was telling the truth and she really is an orphan?

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tanger2b wrote:
Is it too much to assume that GLaDOS was telling the truth and she really is an orphan?

Considering every single other thing she's said throughout both games is a lie, it's a pretty fair assumption that that is too.

Everything hurtful she said in both games was the truth (except for the whole "You're fat, Chell" thing. So it could be.